Confidence Building

On February 6 and 7^th of 2023, I was honored to speak to the STEM students and faculty of Florida Golf Coast University (FGCU) thanks to my new friend Dr. Laura Frost, the Associate Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at FGCU. Undoubtedly, Dr. Frost is notable because she advocates for women faculty members and students in STEM fields.

Academics are biased against women, especially married women.

Dr. Frost’s work is important because only 23 to 25% of competitive faculty grants went to women in 2007. Comparatively, a majority (54%-63%) of NIH or NSF predoctoral awards were given to women in 2007. Research shows that many women drop out of academic pursuits before attaining tenure. In fact, marriage and having children dramatically lower a woman’s chances of achieving tenure in the academic sector, with her chances being 35% lower than men who start a family and 33% lower than single women.¹

Why is it so hard for women, especially married women, to succeed academically? It’s complex but boils down to an antiquated structure biased against women.

I’ve heard from several women and their difficult experiences in academics. Before the FGCU talk, I interviewed other women who spoke of their heartbreaking stories during graduate school and throughout the tenure process.

Treat gender bias with diplomacy and people with respect.

My talk’s main focus was to know that those with gender bias are ignorant yet must be treated with respect. While my viewpoint is simplistic, there is a method to my madness.

I believe those guilty of gender bias are either ignorant or self-serving.

Assuming all those who are gender biased are self-serving puts you in danger of causing the innocent of having a bruised ego. Those with a bruised ego resist learning. Instead, the job is to educate the innocent and enter a pissing contest with those who are self-serving.

A pissing contest involves either going for distance or time. Going for distance involves having a full bladder and then pushing out all your vinegar and anger as quickly as possible to make sure you hit your mark, influencing all those around you in your favor. Going for time is more calculating. Going for time involves dribbling your message for a long time, influencing all you can.

I’ve always performed better going for time than distance. Therefore, I advocated for treating ignorance with diplomacy and treating people with respect.

Notice I don’t advocate ignoring gender bias. Giving up on our dreams does just that. I support the diplomatic method of calling out bias as the best method of addressing it. Such behavior requires emotional maturity, confidence, and an inner knowing that we will succeed in achieving our dreams. It requires quiet strength and tremendous faith in ourselves, our future, and those we want to influence.

Treat ignorance as if it’s simply an objection that needs to be overcome.

My viewpoint is counterintuitive and emotionally challenging to execute. How would you treat ignorance respectfully, especially when dealing with gross unfairness?

It’s a path worth pursuing because research shows that others, especially black women, have navigated bias with diplomacy and succeeded.²

My viewpoint also comes from my experience in sales and marketing. I’ve learned you can’t close a sale by “fighting” against customer objections. Instead, I’ve always sought to understand a person’s objections, view objections as a misunderstanding, then strived to educate.

I believe we can use the same process to combat gender bias. We have a product to deliver: our intellect and ability to obtain grants, and those with gender bias are missing out on the outcomes we can provide the University. Those with gender bias who think we can’t deliver when we get married or have children are mistaken. We can deliver, abet, sometimes on a longer timetable.

Be your own champion.

We can expose gender bias diplomatically. Still, as we do so, it is also vital that we clean up our side of the street by ensuring we maintain confidence in ourselves and our abilities by not thinking too small, preparing constructively for success, being our best advocates, and building a network of supporters who will advocate for us when we are not in the room.

How did people respond to the message?

Some attendees felt the message was over-simplistic and that we needed to go deeper. And they were correct; we can go deeper.

Other participants left with a greater sense of self-belief, saying that they were more determined to do the following:

• Know it’s okay to follow their intuition.
• To pursue their dreams despite self-doubt or pushback from others.
• Even though going for a goal is scary and there is self-doubt, still go for it.
• When there is a challenge or setback, keep your head high, stay dignified, and keep going for it.

Still, other attendees also reported that reflecting on their own lives was essential. After hearing the talk, they decided to stop and think about how to change the situation rather than give up and give into their problems.

I loved my time with the incredible women of FGCU, and I hope these women continue to exert self-confidence as they pursue their dreams.

Check out the resource page to explore tools to motivate you to achieve your dreams.

1. Goulden, M., Mason, M. A. and Frasch, K., Keeping Women in the Science Pipeline, The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, vol. 638, no. 1, pp. 141–62, 2011. DOI: 10.1177/0002716211416925
2. Gause, S. A. F., Black Women’s Resiliency in Community College Leadership, Journal of Education Human Resources, vol. 40, no. 3, pp. 386–409, 2022. DOI: 10.3138/jehr-2021-0012

If you’re feeling unhappy at work, you are not alone. The employee well-being platform Gympass surveyed 9,000 employees worldwide and found that nearly half (48%) reported a decline in well-being in 2022. The survey found that over 25% of respondents were “completely unhappy” at work. Moreover, a recent Gallup survey found that 60% of employees are emotionally detached from their jobs, and employee stress is at an all-time high.1

Women in the workplace experience unique challenges, such as financial insecurity and increased burdens on parents and caregivers. Without additional resources, it’s easy to burn out.

Discover how women can support each other. Here are some practical strategies for bonding and collaborating with other women. 

Cultivate Relationships

Harvard Business Review research found that both male and female executives likely had a diverse network of peers. However, it is also crucial for women to have close female friends to achieve greater authority and higher salaries.2

Keep these strategies in mind:

1. Focus on giving wisely. Helping others is essential to building professional networks and personal friendships. You can lend your expertise and time by reaching out to others. Create a supportive environment by performing random acts of kindness when it makes sense, and you can do so from a centered place while setting boundaries. Give when you don’t feel you will resent giving.
2. Be selective. It is more important to have quality friendships than quantity. Find other women who share your interests and values. If someone consistently fails to respect your boundaries or declines your invitations to get together, move on. 
3. Pace yourself. Mutually beneficial relationships take time to develop. Be patient. Learn about each other gradually.
4. Have fun. Friends see each other outside of the office and talk about stuff besides spreadsheets and coding. Plan outings and host parties. Take a vacation or bake cookies together.

Encourage Work-Life Balance

It is still the case that women are responsible for the overwhelming majority of household work at home. According to the American Psychological Association, stress and other health issues are caused by this.3

Try these techniques to enhance work-life balance:

1. Suggest flexible hours. A significant increase in remote work opportunities has been attributed to the pandemic. Supervisors at your company are willing to experiment with alternative schedules as long as employees complete their responsibilities.
2. Examine benefits. Tell your employer what perks matter to you and other women at your workplace. You may prefer gym memberships instead of bean bag chairs and ping pong tables. 
3. Review workloads. Does your performance review reflect realistic expectations? See if adjustments need to be made with your colleagues.
4. Take time off. Studies have shown that excessive overtime and unused vacation days reduce productivity. Set an example by leaving the office at a reasonable hour and taking advantage of your annual leave.

Develop Leadership Skills

There are also challenges facing women at the top. Also described in the McKinsey report are Onlys: women at their level who are the sole or only woman. Their workload is more likely to be pushed, and they are more likely to be victimized by microaggressions.

These strategies can help:

1. Support mentoring. Depending on your career stage, you can look for a mentor or become one yourself. You might even do both. These relationships provide guidance and build community.
2. Advocate for others. The Devil Wears Prada stereotype holds some truth, unfortunately. Regardless of whether your company culture tolerates bullying of other women, break the cycle. Women must have the courage and compassion to provide constructive feedback and assist other women in advancing their careers.
3. Network with women. Become a member of a professional women’s group or start your own. Take advantage of conferences that other women are attending and follow up with interesting acquaintances.
4. Make referrals. Introductions and referrals are effective ways to help other women. Partner with others to find new clients, partners, and friends.

One woman’s success can benefit others too. Ensure that you create an environment in which the accomplishments of each individual are maximized and celebrated.

References:

1. https://hrexecutive.com/startling-new-wellbeing-data-is-a-call-to-action-for-hr-leaders/?oly_enc_id=7454I7927023I4L
2. https://hbr.org/2019/02/research-men-and-women-need-different-kinds-of-networks-to-succeed
3. https://www.livescience.com/20943-housework-distresses-women.html

People from all over America and abroad traveled to the US West Coast during the California Gold Rush, which began in 1848. 

300,000 people rushed to grab their share of the gold and silver. It was common for people to blindly purchase land claims when so many people were vying for the same land. They often failed to investigate whether precious metals were present on the property.

In many cases, people end up with worthless land. Many people built homes there and made the best of the situation. Those with less integrity and more deception decided to cash in on the gold rush.

“A Mine Is a Hole in the Ground, Owned by a Liar” Mark Twain

Mark Twain’s quote is relevant here. At the time, unscrupulous landowners in California, Arizona, and other Western states would “salt the mine” to make a tidy profit.

Precious metals were not present on the property when they purchased it. They built a mine and invested a great deal of money and energy, but nothing came of it. Despite their devastating emotional and financial losses, these evil people managed to turn things around for the better for themselves. They lied about the amount of gold and silver they had discovered in their mine.

They Salted the Mine.

Consider how you sprinkle salt on your food. These are the types of things these bamboozlers did in their mines. To make the mine appear more profitable, they spread silver ore around. In some cases, gold dust was inserted into shotgun shells and fired into unproductive mines’ walls.

It was an easy snare for greenhorns with big dreams and little experience in mining. Gold rush con artists made millions by salting the mines. 

While salting the mine was an evil act, you can healthily use a similar practice to express yourself more confidently.

How to Salt the Mine for Speaking Success

You can use the tried-and-true mine salting practice of the late 19th century to get your voice heard in meetings.

Place sympathetic ears in your audience to “Salt the Mine.” 

Encourage your friends, coworkers, family, and others who support you to nod and make reinforcing comments. By doing this, you might feel more comfortable and confident in yourself. In addition, it also has a very positive impact on your audience.

You don’t have to be reluctant to give a presentation or to stand up for yourself and speak your mind. Just salt the mine if you want more confidence and to be perceived as authoritative and trustworthy. You’ll find after time that you don’t need to do this to inspire confidence in yourself and those you’re addressing.