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Confidence Building

Career Development Natalie Luke

Unlocking Your Potential: Overcoming Limiting Beliefs to Build Your Dream Career

Have you ever caught yourself daydreaming about your dream career, only to be halted by thoughts like, “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t have what it takes”? If so, you’re not alone.

Many of us grapple with limiting beliefs that undermine our confidence and hinder us from pursuing our desired careers. The good news is that these beliefs can be challenged and overcome. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the common limiting beliefs that hold individuals back from building their dream careers and provide actionable strategies to unlock your potential.

Identifying the Culprits: Common Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are negative thoughts or assumptions about ourselves, our abilities, and our potential for success. These beliefs can be deeply ingrained, often stemming from past experiences, societal pressures, or fear of failure. Some common limiting beliefs that might be familiar include:

  1. Imposter Syndrome: The feeling that you don’t deserve your achievements and are just pretending to be competent.
  2. Fear of Failure: The belief that failure is catastrophic and should be avoided at all costs.
  3. Comparisons to Others: Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate.
  4. False Belief in Lack of Skills: Believing that you need more skills or qualifications to pursue your dream career.

Empowering Strategies to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

  1. Self-Awareness: Begin by identifying your limiting beliefs. Write them down and reflect on where they originated. Understanding their roots can help you challenge their validity.
  2. Positive Affirmations: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. For example, if you think, “I’m not smart enough,” counteract it with, “I am capable of learning and growing,” “I am constantly learning and growing,” “I possess unique talents and strengths that contribute to my success,” “I can acquire new skills and knowledge whenever I choose to,” “I am capable of tackling challenges and finding creative solutions,” and “My intelligence is not fixed; I can improve and excel with dedication and effort.”
  3. Embrace Failure as Learning: Shift your perspective about failure. Instead of fearing it, see failure as a stepping stone toward growth and improvement.
  4. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your dream career into smaller, achievable goals. This helps you focus on progress and boosts your confidence as you accomplish each milestone.
  5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of mentors, friends, and colleagues who can provide encouragement and constructive feedback.

Real-Life Success Stories: Inspiration in Action

Let’s look at a real-life success story to show you that overcoming limiting beliefs is possible. Jane Smith, a once self-doubting artist, battled the idea that she wasn’t good enough to make a living from her art. She silenced her inner critic through consistent positive affirmations, seeking professional development opportunities, and joining an artist’s community. She built a successful art career that fulfills her creative aspirations.

Know your dream career is within reach, and overcoming limiting beliefs is the key to unlocking your potential. Recognizing and challenging these beliefs, practicing positive affirmations, and seeking support can transform self-doubt into self-confidence and turn your aspirations into reality. Remember, your journey might have setbacks, but each step you take toward your dream career brings you closer to a fulfilling and purpose-driven life.

Seeking assistance in recognizing your limiting beliefs? Access my complimentary ‘Uncovering Limiting Beliefs’ journaling exercise for guidance. Download it now and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

Download Your Free “Identification and Clearing Limiting Beliefs” Tool Here
Career Development Natalie Luke

How Mary Dealt with Unconscious Gender Bias

Mary, a highly competent employee, had achieved great success in her position, but then she could sense a change in her corporation over time. She noticed she was being treated differently than her male colleagues, receiving less recognition for her work, getting passed over for promotions, and being given fewer essential tasks.

At first, she wasn’t sure if gender bias was happening and if it was in her imagination. She decided to pay closer attention to how she was treated and documented suspicious incidents.

Upon documenting various activities, Mary noticed a pattern and realized she was being treated differently because of her gender. Mary was not receiving the same treatment as her male counterparts. For example, she was given fewer responsibilities and opportunities. Mary was also treated with less respect. Her male colleagues were given more recognition for their work, and even when they were working on similar projects, the men were given more resources than she was. Mary also noticed folks making assumptions or comments about gender roles, for example, “You seem to be emotional about that issue.” And “Boy, you worked late last night, aren’t you the workaholic?”

What are two different forms of gender bias?

Gender bias is a form of prejudice or discrimination based on a person’s gender. It can be either overt or unconscious. Overt gender bias is when someone is openly biased against someone based on gender. This bias is usually pronounced and can be verbal or physical harassment. Unconscious gender bias is when someone is unaware they are biased against a person based on gender. This type of bias is more subtle and often occurs without the person realizing it.

Both overt and unconscious gender bias can have a negative impact on individuals, organizations, and society as a whole. Overt gender bias can lead to discrimination in the workplace, educational opportunities, and other areas of life. Unconscious gender bias can lead to a lack of diversity in decision-making and representation in leadership roles. Both types of bias can also lead to a lack of trust and respect among members of society, which can have far-reaching consequences.


What did Mary do as a result of unconscious gender bias?

Mary was worried about bringing the issue to her boss. On the one hand, Mary knew that speaking up would bring attention to the problem of gender bias and help to create change in her organization. On the other hand, she felt intimidated, what if her boss didn’t recognize the situation for what it was? Mary felt there was a risk of retaliation.

Mary decided to speak up and to do so effectively and respectfully. Mary knew that even though it was intimidating, it was also important to let those involved know that their behavior hurt the organization by shutting down creative ideas. Mary decided to speak up when she felt comfortable doing so. She wanted to feel confident that bringing attention to gender bias would not negatively affect her relationship with the person, so her comments were primarily private.

Mary started by asking questions or making statements to challenge the behaviors. For example, she asked, “Why would you assume that I can’t perform that project?” or “How do you think Sally felt when you made that comment?”

Even though it was difficult, Mary felt rewarded for saying something because, in the end, she wanted to create an environment where everyone felt respected and valued. By Mary recognizing and addressing unconscious gender bias at work, Mary did her part in creating a more equitable workplace.

What you should know…

Gender bias is an issue that has been present in the workplace for far too long. It is an issue that can be difficult to recognize and address, especially for those who are not part of the human resources department. However, it is possible for individuals not in HR to recognize and address unconscious gender bias at work.

The first step is to recognize the signs of unconscious gender bias. This can be tricky because it is not always obvious. Some signs to look out for gender-specific include language, such as referring to a group of people as “guys” or “ladies.” Additionally, look out for subtle differences in how tasks are allocated, such as tasks being assigned to men more often than women and vice versa.

Once you have identified unconscious gender bias, the next step is to address the issue. This can be done in a variety of ways. The most important thing is to be open and honest about your concerns. Speak up and let those involved know their inappropriate behavior needs to stop. Additionally, being aware of and challenging your biases when they arise is crucial.

Finally, creating an environment where everyone feels respected and valued is essential. This can be done by ensuring everyone is given equal opportunities and that the workplace is free from discrimination. Additionally, provide training and resources to ensure everyone knows the importance of diversity and inclusion.

By recognizing and addressing unconscious gender bias at work, nonhuman resource individuals can help create a more equitable workplace. By doing so, they can ensure that everyone is treated fairly and given the same opportunities to succeed.

Would you like tips and tools for feeling confident? Check out the resources page for free tools.

Confidence Building Natalie Luke

Lessons From Florida Gulf Coast University

On February 6 and 7th of 2023, I was honored to speak to the STEM students and faculty of Florida Golf Coast University (FGCU) thanks to my new friend Dr. Laura Frost, the Associate Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at FGCU. Undoubtedly, Dr. Frost is notable because she advocates for women faculty members and students in STEM fields.

Academics are biased against women, especially married women.

Dr. Frost’s work is important because only 23 to 25% of competitive faculty grants went to women in 2007. Comparatively, a majority (54%-63%) of NIH or NSF predoctoral awards were given to women in 2007. Research shows that many women drop out of academic pursuits before attaining tenure. In fact, marriage and having children dramatically lower a woman’s chances of achieving tenure in the academic sector, with her chances being 35% lower than men who start a family and 33% lower than single women.1

Why is it so hard for women, especially married women, to succeed academically? It’s complex but boils down to an antiquated structure biased against women.

I’ve heard from several women and their difficult experiences in academics. Before the FGCU talk, I interviewed other women who spoke of their heartbreaking stories during graduate school and throughout the tenure process.

Treat gender bias with diplomacy and people with respect.

My talk’s main focus was to know that those with gender bias are ignorant yet must be treated with respect. While my viewpoint is simplistic, there is a method to my madness.

I believe those guilty of gender bias are either ignorant or self-serving.

Assuming all those who are gender biased are self-serving puts you in danger of causing the innocent of having a bruised ego. Those with a bruised ego resist learning. Instead, the job is to educate the innocent and enter a pissing contest with those who are self-serving.

A pissing contest involves either going for distance or time. Going for distance involves having a full bladder and then pushing out all your vinegar and anger as quickly as possible to make sure you hit your mark, influencing all those around you in your favor. Going for time is more calculating. Going for time involves dribbling your message for a long time, influencing all you can.

I’ve always performed better going for time than distance. Therefore, I advocated for treating ignorance with diplomacy and treating people with respect.

Notice I don’t advocate ignoring gender bias. Giving up on our dreams does just that. I support the diplomatic method of calling out bias as the best method of addressing it. Such behavior requires emotional maturity, confidence, and an inner knowing that we will succeed in achieving our dreams. It requires quiet strength and tremendous faith in ourselves, our future, and those we want to influence.

Treat ignorance as if it’s simply an objection that needs to be overcome.

My viewpoint is counterintuitive and emotionally challenging to execute. How would you treat ignorance respectfully, especially when dealing with gross unfairness?

It’s a path worth pursuing because research shows that others, especially black women, have navigated bias with diplomacy and succeeded.2

My viewpoint also comes from my experience in sales and marketing. I’ve learned you can’t close a sale by “fighting” against customer objections. Instead, I’ve always sought to understand a person’s objections, view objections as a misunderstanding, then strived to educate.

I believe we can use the same process to combat gender bias. We have a product to deliver: our intellect and ability to obtain grants, and those with gender bias are missing out on the outcomes we can provide the University. Those with gender bias who think we can’t deliver when we get married or have children are mistaken. We can deliver, abet, sometimes on a longer timetable.

Be your own champion.

We can expose gender bias diplomatically. Still, as we do so, it is also vital that we clean up our side of the street by ensuring we maintain confidence in ourselves and our abilities by not thinking too small, preparing constructively for success, being our best advocates, and building a network of supporters who will advocate for us when we are not in the room.

How did people respond to the message?

Some attendees felt the message was over-simplistic and that we needed to go deeper. And they were correct; we can go deeper.

Other participants left with a greater sense of self-belief, saying that they were more determined to do the following:

  • Know it’s okay to follow their intuition.
  • To pursue their dreams despite self-doubt or pushback from others.
  • Even though going for a goal is scary and there is self-doubt, still go for it.
  • When there is a challenge or setback, keep your head high, stay dignified, and keep going for it.

Still, other attendees also reported that reflecting on their own lives was essential. After hearing the talk, they decided to stop and think about how to change the situation rather than give up and give into their problems.

I loved my time with the incredible women of FGCU, and I hope these women continue to exert self-confidence as they pursue their dreams.

Check out the resource page to explore tools to motivate you to achieve your dreams.

  1. Goulden, M., Mason, M. A. and Frasch, K., Keeping Women in the Science Pipeline, The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, vol. 638, no. 1, pp. 141–62, 2011. DOI: 10.1177/0002716211416925
  2. Gause, S. A. F., Black Women’s Resiliency in Community College Leadership, Journal of Education Human Resources, vol. 40, no. 3, pp. 386–409, 2022. DOI: 10.3138/jehr-2021-0012
Career Development Natalie Luke

Transform Your Career by Developing Emotional Intelligence for the Workplace

As more studies show emotional intelligence improves employee productivity and job performance, it becomes a more coveted skill in the office.

Emotional intelligence is when you can understand the emotions of yourself and others and manage your own feelings well. It shows a balance between intellect and self-awareness.

Emotional intelligence is an asset. Studies show that emotional intelligence training improves employee productivity. That may be because emotional intelligence reflects an ability to make better decisions, problem-solving skills, and being a great communicator.

Emotionally intelligent people can come up with solutions from a holistic perspective. 

Emotional intelligence is rated into four categories:

  1. Self-management. Thinking clearly when you feel stressed, anxious, or angry is challenging. Self-management is the ability to separate your emotions from how you should act.
  2. Self-awareness. You can change negative habits, thoughts, or behaviors by becoming self-aware. Your beliefs and emotions affect your thoughts and behaviors when you have a high level of self-awareness. 
  3. Social awareness. Being socially aware means being able to “read the room.” This ability allows you to see social dynamics and understand what others need to feel comfortable. An indicator of social awareness is how well you can pick up on social cues and needs. 
  4. Relationship management. A good relationship manager works well with others, manages conflict well, and builds positive relationships. Good interpersonal skills are indicated by good relationship management.

Are you interested in improving your emotional awareness to excel at work?

Follow these tips to build emotional intelligence: 

  1. Practice self-awareness. Being self-aware entails being able to look at yourself objectively. 

To develop this:

● Practice self-reflection in a journal daily.

● Notice when you are triggered. 

● Think about the feedback you receive.

● Practice seeing things from other people’s points of view and not just your own.

2. Receive criticism with grace. Don’t react to criticism without thinking. Learn from criticism and grow from it.

3. See conflict as an opportunity to learn and understand more about others. It can be frustrating to deal with conflict, but it is inevitable. Take conflict as an opportunity to understand another person’s perspective instead of avoiding it.

4. Learn to “read the room.” Do you have a good sense of what people around you are feeling? Is there someone you can turn to when you need help? What “unwritten rules” do people follow at your workplace? Position yourself in your organization as a superstar or a changemaker if you can read the room. 

5. Listen to others. Listening is a skill that people with high emotional intelligence possess. Do you talk all the time or make space to listen? Listen to what people say in meetings and ask what they think.

6. Speak up and express yourself. Speaking up when it matters is also a skill that emotionally intelligent people possess as excellent listening skills. Feel free to pitch your out-of-the-box ideas or make sure your opinions get heard!

7. Work to people’s strengths. Different people have different strengths and work differently. Adapt to the different types of people on your team. Create an environment where each person can thrive and be engaged and innovative.

People with higher emotional intelligence efficiently manage their stress levels, build better relationships, and read the room.

● The ability to manage your own stress levels enables you to lead a team through high-stress situations calmly.

● Maintaining good relationships with your team members will keep them motivated and engaged.

● Reading the room can also help you find the right person to approach when working on a problem or noticing a colleague is stressed. 

Developing emotional intelligence will benefit you both at work and outside of it. 

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Confidence Building Natalie Luke

Modern Rules for Women Supporting Other Women at Work

If you’re feeling unhappy at work, you are not alone. The employee well-being platform Gympass surveyed 9,000 employees worldwide and found that nearly half (48%) reported a decline in well-being in 2022. The survey found that over 25% of respondents were “completely unhappy” at work. Moreover, a recent Gallup survey found that 60% of employees are emotionally detached from their jobs, and employee stress is at an all-time high.1

Women in the workplace experience unique challenges, such as financial insecurity and increased burdens on parents and caregivers. Without additional resources, it’s easy to burn out.

Discover how women can support each other. Here are some practical strategies for bonding and collaborating with other women. 

Cultivate Relationships

Harvard Business Review research found that both male and female executives likely had a diverse network of peers. However, it is also crucial for women to have close female friends to achieve greater authority and higher salaries.2

Keep these strategies in mind:

  1. Focus on giving wisely. Helping others is essential to building professional networks and personal friendships. You can lend your expertise and time by reaching out to others. Create a supportive environment by performing random acts of kindness when it makes sense, and you can do so from a centered place while setting boundaries. Give when you don’t feel you will resent giving.
  2. Be selective. It is more important to have quality friendships than quantity. Find other women who share your interests and values. If someone consistently fails to respect your boundaries or declines your invitations to get together, move on. 
  3. Pace yourself. Mutually beneficial relationships take time to develop. Be patient. Learn about each other gradually.
  4. Have fun. Friends see each other outside of the office and talk about stuff besides spreadsheets and coding. Plan outings and host parties. Take a vacation or bake cookies together.

Encourage Work-Life Balance

It is still the case that women are responsible for the overwhelming majority of household work at home. According to the American Psychological Association, stress and other health issues are caused by this.3

Try these techniques to enhance work-life balance:

  1. Suggest flexible hours. A significant increase in remote work opportunities has been attributed to the pandemic. Supervisors at your company are willing to experiment with alternative schedules as long as employees complete their responsibilities.
  2. Examine benefits. Tell your employer what perks matter to you and other women at your workplace. You may prefer gym memberships instead of bean bag chairs and ping pong tables. 
  3. Review workloads. Does your performance review reflect realistic expectations? See if adjustments need to be made with your colleagues.
  4. Take time off. Studies have shown that excessive overtime and unused vacation days reduce productivity. Set an example by leaving the office at a reasonable hour and taking advantage of your annual leave.

Develop Leadership Skills

There are also challenges facing women at the top. Also described in the McKinsey report are Onlys: women at their level who are the sole or only woman. Their workload is more likely to be pushed, and they are more likely to be victimized by microaggressions.

These strategies can help:

  1. Support mentoring. Depending on your career stage, you can look for a mentor or become one yourself. You might even do both. These relationships provide guidance and build community.
  2. Advocate for others. The Devil Wears Prada stereotype holds some truth, unfortunately. Regardless of whether your company culture tolerates bullying of other women, break the cycle. Women must have the courage and compassion to provide constructive feedback and assist other women in advancing their careers.
  3. Network with women. Become a member of a professional women’s group or start your own. Take advantage of conferences that other women are attending and follow up with interesting acquaintances.
  4. Make referrals. Introductions and referrals are effective ways to help other women. Partner with others to find new clients, partners, and friends.

One woman’s success can benefit others too. Ensure that you create an environment in which the accomplishments of each individual are maximized and celebrated.

References:

  1. https://hrexecutive.com/startling-new-wellbeing-data-is-a-call-to-action-for-hr-leaders/?oly_enc_id=7454I7927023I4L
  2. https://hbr.org/2019/02/research-men-and-women-need-different-kinds-of-networks-to-succeed
  3. https://www.livescience.com/20943-housework-distresses-women.html
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Confidence
Confidence Building Natalie Luke

If You Struggle to Speak up, Try to “Salt the Mine” First

People from all over America and abroad traveled to the US West Coast during the California Gold Rush, which began in 1848. 

300,000 people rushed to grab their share of the gold and silver. It was common for people to blindly purchase land claims when so many people were vying for the same land. They often failed to investigate whether precious metals were present on the property.

In many cases, people end up with worthless land. Many people built homes there and made the best of the situation. Those with less integrity and more deception decided to cash in on the gold rush.

“A Mine Is a Hole in the Ground, Owned by a Liar” Mark Twain

Mark Twain’s quote is relevant here. At the time, unscrupulous landowners in California, Arizona, and other Western states would “salt the mine” to make a tidy profit.

Precious metals were not present on the property when they purchased it. They built a mine and invested a great deal of money and energy, but nothing came of it. Despite their devastating emotional and financial losses, these evil people managed to turn things around for the better for themselves. They lied about the amount of gold and silver they had discovered in their mine.

They Salted the Mine.

Consider how you sprinkle salt on your food. These are the types of things these bamboozlers did in their mines. To make the mine appear more profitable, they spread silver ore around. In some cases, gold dust was inserted into shotgun shells and fired into unproductive mines’ walls.

It was an easy snare for greenhorns with big dreams and little experience in mining. Gold rush con artists made millions by salting the mines. 

While salting the mine was an evil act, you can healthily use a similar practice to express yourself more confidently.

How to Salt the Mine for Speaking Success

You can use the tried-and-true mine salting practice of the late 19th century to get your voice heard in meetings.

Place sympathetic ears in your audience to “Salt the Mine.” 

Encourage your friends, coworkers, family, and others who support you to nod and make reinforcing comments. By doing this, you might feel more comfortable and confident in yourself. In addition, it also has a very positive impact on your audience.

You don’t have to be reluctant to give a presentation or to stand up for yourself and speak your mind. Just salt the mine if you want more confidence and to be perceived as authoritative and trustworthy. You’ll find after time that you don’t need to do this to inspire confidence in yourself and those you’re addressing.

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